The Kiss

- By Shamar Starks, Erotic Shop Sex and Relationship Coach / Counselor

He and I had long, intimate telephone conversations. When he shared the poetry with me that he wrote in his deep baritone, it gave me shivers and turned me on to the point of wetness. He was a handsome, intelligent, funny, spiritual man with a good job and a business.  It had only been a week since we began our nightly getting to know each other conversations that lasted for hours, but I knew in my heart that he was “the one”.

We had our first date and everything was beautiful.  We had a nice dinner and went dancing.  He was a gentleman.  He opened my doors, helped me with my coat and was very attentive.  Dancing is very sexually stimulating to me. We danced together like we were connected by an invisible string. The man could groove! When I agreed to go back to his place at the end of the date, I knew there was a night of pleasure in store for me. 

From the things he said, the way he made love to my mind, the way he moved, just how sexy he was period I knew he would be awesome in bed. We had an instant connection and I was eager to get to know him on a physical level. I was wet and ready from all the mental foreplay at diner. We talked about what we liked and disliked sexually and I was delighted to discover we had compatible ideas about sex.  He was as open minded as I am, that was such a major bonus.  He was hitting all the right switches.

As we sat on the couch in the nicely decorated home that he owned and I was ready to stop talking and do more satisfying things with our lips.  He leaned in to kiss me and then it happened.  I was instantly turned off. The gorgeous full lips that I had been fantasizing about sucking were, well… they were sticky and way to soft.  I could feel his teeth through his lips. I leaned back and suggested he drink some water knowing that would help.  It didn’t.  I sat on that couch and tried to kiss this man for a good hour.  I suggested he just let me kiss him.  I tried different angles, no tongue, less tongue, nothing made the feel of his lips on mine better. 

Kissing is an integral part of love making for me so as you can imagine I was extremely disappointed. I gave up on trying to make it an enjoyable experience.  I made an excuse, went home and never called him or answered his calls again.  Kissing is the second step of foreplay that will get me in bed and he bombed horribly. I can’t even blame it on his lack of technique.  Technique can be taught and turn out to be a fun sexy experience enjoyed together.  With him it was just clearly physical incompatibility. 

When I told my best friend what happened she asked why didn’t I still have sex with him, considering I thought he was “the one”.  Well, I’m an all or nothing type of woman.  If I had said okay, never mind about the kissing let’s just get in bed and during our lovemaking he kept kissing me, it would have turned the experience into something just to delight my genitals rather than the total mind, body, spirit experience I was anticipating.  So I went home and masturbated.

When I engage in sex great kissing is a must.  What are the major must haves for you in a sexual encounter?

Kisses!